What She’s Thinking: men’s dating & sex questions answered by women

Building CoupleUp Dating: good things but a bit depressed

CoupleUp has soft launched in the San Francisco Bay Area, so if you're nearby go sign up at CoupleUpNow.com! Continuing to share updates as I build. 

Want to come on the show when I resume Q&A with ladies? Email greg AT debugdating DOT com

 

Here's what I talk about in the episode:

Last week was challenging.

I'm feeling a bit depressed today; definitely was yesterday as well. And there's some good things, so I want to share those, too.

Since I've mentioned before that I struggled with depression, I want to talk about that. Not just pretend everything's amazing. My counselor frequently reminds me to not just focus on the negatives, as I have a tendency to do.

👍 Last week we hosted a workshop with awesome dating therapist Jessica Engle. She came in and taught some great stuff to make video dating a better experience. I wanted to highlight her video inside the app, ala Zoom. (In the app there's a big video feed up at the top -- usually me. Then there's smaller video feeds of other people within the speed dating room.)

👎 Spent the entire week on highlighting video. Was still buggy in the workshop.

👎From what people have told me, they could only see me, Jessica, and 2-3 participants.

👍We actually sold out of tickets for the workshop!

 

👍 Three people have reached out to essentially say "CoupleUp sounds amazing. I want to see it happen. How can I help?" This is especially amazing because I frequently feel *very* alone. Not just in building CoupleUp. It's a long-time thought pattern -- I'm always the outsider; always different from everyone else. So it feels really good to people wanting to be on my team.

 

👍 From the first speed dating event, we had 1 match.

👍 From the workshop, we had 2 matches! Mind you, is that as good as I'd like? No! But, I'm looking on the bright side, so that's something else to celebrate.

👍 That's a thing that I've learned. I need to celebrate wins, even small ones.

 

👎 Had to cancel the speed dating on Sunday because of some technical issues -- again, frustrating.

 

So this week is mostly going to be getting more people on the app. I'm going to expand outside of people in their 30's! If you're reading this, it would be super helpful to keep sharing about the app with your single friends. 🚀🚀🚀

👍 Moving to an *even more* progressive registration flow. (excuse me while I nerd out on design) It won't ask you your name until you're signing up for a speed dating event, plus other changes to get you into the app faster.

👍 I have a counseling appointment on Wednesday. That'll help.

 

❓ Would you rather use a supportive singles community on Slack, Discord, or Facebook❓ Eventually it'll be in the app, but I don't think that's the right spot for now. (Though I'm open to being convinced otherwise!) Going to do a focus group on that soon.

Last thing: It's not the easiest update to share, but it's important to me to share that building a company isn't always "everything is awesome!" I suspect these are going to stay bi-weekly instead of weekly; that seems to be the cadence I'm hitting. Thank you for your support!

 

CoupleUp is on Facebook and Twitter, follow on the journey!

 

 

Submit your questions or Come on the Show! DebugDating.com/questions

 

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Building CoupleUp Dating: overwhelm is a real thing, especially when building

Changed the name of the dating app to CoupleUp! And we've launched in the San Francisco Bay Area, so if you're nearby go sign up at CoupleUpNow.com

This is another update as I build, and I'm looking for people to come on, to resume the dating Q&A. Want to be an anonymous guest? Go to DebugDating.com/questions

 

Here's what I talk about:

  • Feeling overwhelmed with too many directions to go in
  • Continuing to work on positioning to explain *why* this is different from all the other dating apps
  • Soft launch
  • Launching in San Diego next month
  • Ideas for rewarding people who invite their friends

You can also follow along on the journey on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoupleUpNow

Or Twitter: https://twitter.com/CoupleUpDating 

 

Submit your questions or Come on the Show! DebugDating.com/questions

 

Subscribe to not miss an episode: Apple Podcasts, Google PlayStitcher, Spotify, OvercastRadioPublic, Podbean, TuneIn

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Building a dating app update: depression sucks

It's been a while since I released an episode -- because I'm building a dating app! It's specifically for finding Long Term Relationships. Tentatively calling it Bubble Dating -- changed the name to CoupleUp!  

 

Here's what I talk about:

  • It's been nearly three weeks, because I've been struggling with my depression

    • Still nervous about discussing depression and challenges of building publicly
    • Friends have said that my discussing it openly helped them
    • And openness and compassion is what I want in the dating community I’m building
  • Challenge 1: Apple rejected all my TestFlight builds for bugs, and then Monday's build as “dating app spam”
    • I got really angry and depressed
    • My counselor helped by encouraging me to privately tantrum out anger and sadness
    • Found out Apple says "App Store has enough fart, burp, flashlight, fortune telling, dating, and Kama Sutra apps, etc. already. We will reject these apps unless they provide a unique, high-quality experience."
    • And that apps “submitted for beta distribution via TestFlight should be intended for public distribution”
    • Oops. I've only built individual features to test!
    • Still, it seems stupid to only allow testing a full fledged app.
  • Entered a 30 second pitching competition and took 2nd place!
  • Challenge 2: taking critique very personally :(
    • Apple's rejections, obviously
    • Other people I pitch the idea to
  • Taking the rest of Christmas Eve off, as well as Christmas Day
    • If you celebrate it, have a Merry Christmas 🎄🎅
    • Have a happy New Year’s Eve! 🎆🎊🎇
  • More updates, and app progress, coming in 2021!

 

Submit your questions or Come on the Show! DebugDating.com/questions

 

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It’s been a while, bc I’m building a dating app for LTRs

It's been a while since I released an episode -- because I'm building a dating app! It's specifically for finding Long Term Relationships. Tentatively calling it http://bubble.dating/

Once a week you get on video and go on 5-minute video dates. Each week's event is $10.

It's also about having compassion for each other, something very much missing from other dating apps.

For now I'm testing it in the San Francisco Bay Area. Want to try it out? Use code "podcast" for $2 off

 

Submit your questions or Come on the Show! DebugDating.com/questions

 

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Covid-19 Cuties Z and C, part 2: why Z is having more sex, but dating less, and C isn’t dating at all

How can we date during the Coronavirus pandemic, aka COVID-19? 35-year-olds Z and C answer questions about how they're dating during this era of face masks, sheltering in place, and social distancing.

Submit your questions or Come on the Show! DebugDating.com/questions

 

This episode covers:

- Are your expectations of guys' efforts to date you, higher or lower than prior to the quarantine?

- What are your top 2 languages of love?

- What are the types of video dates? e.g. normally we have coffee dates, dinner dates, hiking dates, etc

- Would you feel comfortable giving him your address to be able to get the delivery, if he sent you a meal?

- What do you look for on someone's instagram? What stands out? What's meh?

- If you're having sex, has anything changed about it?

- Any last things you really appreciate when guys do?

 

Submit your questions or Come on the Show! DebugDating.com/questions

 

Subscribe to not miss an episode: Apple Podcasts, Google PlayStitcher, Spotify, OvercastRadioPublic, Podbean, TuneIn

Help others find the podcast: a rating or review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher will help more people find the show

Covid-19 Cuties Z and C, part 1: why Z is having more sex, but dating less, and C isn’t dating at all

How can we date during the Coronavirus pandemic, aka COVID-19? 35-year-olds Z and C answer questions about how they're dating during this era of face masks, sheltering in place, and social distancing.

Submit your questions or Come on the Show! DebugDating.com/questions

 

This episode covers:

- What's the first dating thing you’re going to do when quarantine is over?

- In terms of priority level, what level was dating before, and how has it changed now?

- Have you changed your distance or started chatting with people from farther away as a result of quarantine? Why?

- What are you looking for from men you match with online? How has the coronavirus changed that?

- Are you more attracted to optimists or realists? Has that changed since before the coronavirus?

- Is it easier or harder for you to feel more comfortable with a guy right now, since it's harder to meet up at present?

- Normally how long would you want to wait to go on a first date? And now with the Shelter-in-place, how long are you willing to forgo meeting the guy in person?

- Are you thinking about breaking quarantine to meet in person and be intimate?

- How would you rate your sex drive, compared to the average woman’s?

- Do you want sex more or less as a result of the current situation? 

 

Submit your questions or Come on the Show! DebugDating.com/questions

 

Subscribe to not miss an episode: Apple Podcasts, Google PlayStitcher, Spotify, OvercastRadioPublic, Podbean, TuneIn

Help others find the podcast: a rating or review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher will help more people find the show

Bonus Coronavirus episode for women: do you want sex more or less during the pandemic, types of video dates

Bonus episode for women. The ladies on the last interview asked for advice for themselves, so I thought I'd share that with you.

Please email me and let me know what you think of the episode! I'm greg@debugdating.com. If you'd be interested in hearing more episodes where men answer your questions, email me that as well. 

 

This episode covers:

- What is your advice to me? Can you help me be better on a zoom date?

- Articulating your desires

- From a male perspective, what vibe are you looking for when you go on a virtual date? Is that different from an in-person date?

- How do you have a date where you can see how they really look 360, and you can show your whole physical self without being crass? 

 

 

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More Coronavirus Dating with S and D: do you want sex more or less during the pandemic, types of video dates

Once COVID-19 hit, I knew I wanted to restart this podcast. Like many of my friends, I'm sure you're wondering how to date right now. So pardon the lower quality audio of my guests!

How can we date during the Coronavirus (aka COVID-19)? S and D answer your questions about how they're dating during this era of pandemic (part 2)

Submit your questions! DebugDating.com/questions

This episode covers:

- Do you want sex more or less as a result of the current situation?

- What are the types of video dates? e.g. normally we have coffee dates, dinner dates, hiking dates, etc

- What are your expectations for a video date?

- Are you thinking about breaking quarantine to meet in person and be intimate?

- If a man suggested breaking quarantine to be intimate, how would you react? Or, what would you want to have happened, to be comfortable with that?

- If you're having sex, has anything changed about it?

- What do you look for on someone's instagram? What stands out? What's meh?

- What are your top 2 languages of love?

- How have you evolved in your dating preferences from 20 to 30?

- How would you rate your sex drive, compared to the average woman’s?

 

 

Enjoyed the episode? Help others find the podcast! It only takes 30 seconds to write a review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher.

Subscribe to not miss an episode: Apple Podcasts, Google PlayStitcher, Spotify, OvercastRadioPublic, Podbean, TuneIn

Coronavirus Dating with S and D, part 1: dates in the era of face masks, sheltering in place, and social distancing

Once COVID-19 hit, I knew I wanted to restart this podcast. Like many of my friends, I'm sure you're wondering how to date right now. So pardon the lower quality audio of my guests!

How can we date during the Coronavirus pandemic, aka COVID-19? S and D answer your questions about how they're dating during this era of face masks, sheltering in place, and social distancing.

Submit your questions! DebugDating.com/questions

This episode covers:

- What's the first dating thing you’re going to do when quarantine is over?

- In terms of priority level, what level was dating before, and how has it changed now?

- Have you changed your distance or started chatting with people from farther away as a result of quarantine? Why?

- What are you looking for from men you match with online? How has the coronavirus changed that?

- Is it easier or harder for you to feel more comfortable with a guy right now, since it's harder to meet up at present?

- Are you more attracted to optimists or realists? Has that changed since before the coronavirus?

- Normally how long would you want to wait to go on a first date? And now with the Shelter-in-place, how long are you willing to forgo meeting the guy in person?

 

 

Enjoyed the episode? Help others find the podcast! It only takes 30 seconds to write a review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher.

Subscribe to not miss an episode: Apple Podcasts, Google PlayStitcher, Spotify, OvercastRadioPublic, Podbean, TuneIn

Top 2 love languages, what does “gifts” really mean, should I send a 2nd message, “good” aggressiveness vs scary, how a man can tell her sex drive

A (27), J (27), Lauren (37) answer your questions about dating and sex.

In the San Francisco Bay Area? I'm hosting two VIP Online Dating deep dives, each limited to 8 people, so I can give you personal attention.

During the VIP session we'll:
- Debug your profile, including fixing common mistakes you're undoubtedly making
- Prioritize the qualities that you want in a date, so you can recognize a match when you meet one
- Brainstorm qualities of you that will attract those matches
- Upgrade your profile to attract that match, instead of people in general!
- Platinum ticket: guaranteed session with me on how to continue iterating

Palo Alto: Monday April 29th at 7pm
SF: the first Monday of May, June, & July at 7pm

If you're serious about getting your online dating working, grab your ticket before they're gone! (You can also get tickets at debugdating.com/vip)

 

This episode covers:

- Outside of online dating, what are the best venues to meet potential partners?

- What are your top 2 languages of love?

- Guys tend to think gifts [in the Languages of Love] means diamond rings and crazy expensive items. What are some of the gifts that you really appreciated, and why?

- How can we tell if she's not interested in us?

- After we match, if you follow me on Instagram, what's the next step? Do we talk there, or on the dating app?

- After we match, if you don't respond the first time I send a message, should I send another?

- What's the best way to get consent? Explicit and direct, or a bit more nuanced? Tell us how you tell us yes.

- What's a way you like for a man to create connection on a date?

- What kind of aggressiveness do you like in a man, and what kind is scary?

- How can a man tell if a woman has a high or low sex drive?

- Things you appreciate that men do

Get your questions answered: debugdating.com/questions

 

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